


I Wouldn't Know What to Say If I Had You

by bitscrawford (orphan_account)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Shower Sex, big dumb feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2843096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bitscrawford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can’t we just… shower together or sumthin’?” </p><p>Ashton’s brow furrows and he turns to look at Luke. “Are you serious?”</p><p>“Can’t two bros shower together without it being gay?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wouldn't Know What to Say If I Had You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [toopunkforyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toopunkforyou/gifts).



> this was written for ohwhateveruniverse on tumblr (toopunkforyou on ao3) for the 5sos-secretsanta fic exchange. i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> title is from "a daydream away" by all time low.

Ashton’s pretty sure he’s never been this sweaty before; it’s dripping down his face and soaking through his singlet.

They’ve just finished a show on their tour and he’d gladly tell you what city they were in if he actually knew. It all kind of goes by in this big, happy blur: waking up on the bus, doing interviews, writing songs, playing shows, meeting fans. He’s never been so happy in his life. Sure, there are the odd days here and there where he misses Sydney and wonders whether or not Harry and Lauren think about him (he knows they do), but his boys are always there to help him with that. They’re the only other people who really get what he’s going through, what they’re all going through.

It’s one of the rare days where they actually get to use a real shower, to sleep in a bed that doesn’t have a curtain attached to it. The hotel’s nicer than he’s used to even though they’ve done this a few times before; the luxury of his new lifestyle is still striking sometimes. He feels out of place, sweaty and tired among energetic bellhops in crisp, clean uniforms and the smiling man in a tailored suit behind the front desk.

Calum immediately chooses to room with Michael, leaving him with Luke, which - well.

He doesn’t hate it.

Luke’s needy after shows sometimes, wants to come down from the high of performing with someone’s arms wrapped familiarly around him. Something about Ashton’s warm skin and his soft giggles never fails to lull Luke to sleep, to make him comfy and cozy enough to drift off without any tossing and turning in a strange bed. It’s always nice when they room together. Ashton likes being close to Luke. 

Ashton’s already pulled off his singlet by the time Luke finally comes in, eyelids droopy and cheeks flushed pink. “Hey,” he murmurs, dropping his bag at the foot of his bed and collapsing face down on top of the comforter.

Ashton laughs. “C’mon, Luke. You can’t sleep in that - you’ll stink up the whole room,” he teases, shaking his head as he goes through his own bag, finding some clothes to sleep in. Luke likes to crank the air conditioning so he has an excuse to snuggle up under the covers, so Ashton always makes sure to pack some sweatpants just in case.

Luke wiggles out of his t-shirt without getting up and manages to drop it on the side of the bed, sighing as he nestles deeper into the mattress.

“L _uuuuu_ ke,” Ashton whines, walking over and poking the blonde in the ribs so he flinches. “You can’t go to sleep yet; you have to take a shower.” He’s got his sweatpants in his hands, not bothering with boxers or a shirt since all he’s doing is sleeping. “You’ll regret it tomorrow morning if you don’t.” Luke knows he’s right and Ashton knows he knows it. “But not until after me,” he clarifies, heading to the bathroom. Luke groans.

“Ash,” he mumbles, cheek smushed against the bed. “Can I go first? Jus’ wanna go t’bed.” His eyes are already struggling to stay open.

Ashton just shakes his head. “No. I’m sweating my balls off, man. M’sick of bein’ smelly. I’ll be quick.”

“Can’t we just… shower together or sumthin’?”

Ashton’s brow furrows and he turns to look at Luke. “Are you serious?”

“Can’t two bros shower together without it being gay?”

Ashton rolls his eyes. “You’ve been spending way too much time with Calum.” 

“Pl _eeeeeeee_ ase?” Ashton’s always been a sucker for Luke, takes on the big brother role just as easily as Luke takes on the baby of the band one. He sighs, scrubs a hand over his face, and agrees, retreating to the bathroom and turning on the water before he can change his mind. This is probably the dumbest decision he’s made in a while - and when he’s in a band with three idiots, that’s really saying something. Luke gets out of bed with a renewed burst of energy, almost making Ashton wonder if the exhaustion was all a ruse. There’s no way Luke could have imagined this happening, though, and even if he had, he probably didn’t formulate this big, diabolical plan to get naked and take a shower with Ashton.

Truthfully, all he had to do was ask and Ashton probably would have said yes.

God, he’s so fucking gone for Luke. He’s gonna have to have a serious talk with his dick about behaving itself while he’s within inches of a very naked, very wet Luke Hemmings.

It doesn’t take long to wiggle out of his skinny jeans, his socks and boxers quickly following suit. It’s not weird being naked in front of Luke; they’ve seen each other naked more times than he can count. Half his band practically strips the second they reach the tour bus, so it’s not unusual to see a bit of skin. 

He swallows hard to get past the lump in his throat and steps into the shower, wincing as he realizes it’s too hot and it’s burning his skin. He bends down to turn the faucet a bit to get the perfect temperature and - shit, his ass is totally on display. His eyes go wide and he quickly stands straight up again, blushing. This is totally ridiculous, but he’s overanalyzing everything, completely aware of his body and how it must look to Luke. He’s not as skinny as he used to be - there’s some definition in his arms and his stomach now. Not for the first time, he’s thankful for all the times he and Calum have dragged each other to the gym. 

He hears more than he sees Luke join him in the shower, but he tries not to dwell on it. Maybe if he pretends Luke isn’t there and acts like it’s a normal shower, it won’t have to be such a big deal.

The illusion is shattered almost instantly when he feels Luke’s chest brush against his back as the younger boy reaches around him to grab the shampoo. He instantly tenses, surprised by the sudden skin-to-skin contact.

“Sorry,” Luke murmurs, his voice barely audible above the spray of the water.

“S’alright.” 

Ashton grabs the complimentary bar of soap the hotels always have waiting for you in the shower and pulls off the packaging, getting it a bit wet before he rubs it over his body. He starts with his arms and tries to be as quick as possible without missing anything. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since his last real shower and he wants to make sure he gets all the dirt and grime of the last couple days off of his skin.

“Ash,” Luke calls out, index finger pointedly tapping against Ashton’s shoulder.

“What?” Ashton doesn’t even think before turning around. He does everything in his power to keep his eyes on Luke’s face, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard.

“You’re blocking all the water.” And then Luke’s pouting, gesturing to his clearly dry body. Ashton tries to keep his eyes from wandering but, Christ, Luke’s making this really difficult for him. A part of him wonders if the blonde isn’t doing it on purpose.

“Sorry.” Ashton presses his back against the cool tile of the shower wall and motions for Luke to pass in front of him. It’s not the biggest shower in the world and there’s really no way for this to happen without them touching at least a little bit. 

They manage, somehow, to maneuver so that Ashton is mostly behind Luke but off to the side a bit so the water can reach the both of them. Ashton quickly lathers his wet hair with the shampoo, careful not to get any in his eyes as he rinses it out. 

But then he’s looking down and he can’t help but stare at Luke’s ass a little bit. It’s right there - how could he not? He’s a 20-year-old dude, not a saint. 

Plus, he knows that neither of them have gotten any for a while. There are plenty of willing girls (and boys) at their shows, but it’s just not possible to seal the deal. After each show, they have a little while to sign autographs and take pictures, but there’s nowhere near enough time to meet someone, take them back to the bus, and get off. The only time any of them get to come is during the drive between venues. They all know it happens and sometimes, Ashton even hears it happening, but they all know not to make a big deal out of it. It’s a reality of tour life that they just have to adapt to.

(Ashton will never, _ever_ admit it, but there’s been more than one occasion where he’s gotten off to the sounds of the other boys getting off. It’s not a big deal. A moan is a moan, no matter who it’s coming from.) 

So it’s not at all surprising that the sight of Luke’s ass and the muscles of his back makes his cock twitch, already half-hard somehow. He swears under his breath, looks down at his dick and urges it to calm the fuck down already. He doesn’t wanna make things awkward with one of his best friends, especially when there’s so much riding on the future of the band - he can’t fuck that up. Michael and Calum would never forgive him and his relationship with Luke would be ruined forever. It’s not enough to make his cock settle down, though, and thinking of dead puppies and naked grandmas isn’t working, either. Frantically, Ashton looks at the back of Luke’s head with wide eyes, begging him silently not to turn around.

Of course, God hates him and all the stars have aligned to make sure he has one of the most humiliating experiences of his life or something, because that’s exactly when Luke turns around, holding up the tiny bottle of conditioner from the hotel and asking Ashton if he needs any. 

“Um.” He can’t make the words come out right, so he just shakes his head, careful to avoid Luke’s gaze. Maybe if he pretends it isn’t happening, Luke won’t notice.

Luke clearly notices. 

“Is that - ” Luke’s eyes are wide and he’s staring at Ashton’s cock, which - well, it’s not helping things. “Is that because of me?” Ashton wants desperately to cover himself with his hands, but won’t that just draw attention to it even more? He closes his eyes, wills himself to die right then and there so he never has to remember this. Luke’s not gonna let it go, though, is eager and curious enough to push through all of Ashton’s defenses. “Ash?”

“Fuck,” he murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut as he just barely nods. 

“Oh. _Wow_.”

“Luke,” he starts, scrubbing a hand over his face, “it’s just… been a while, yanno? And you’re, like - you’re naked and stuff and you’re a pretty good-looking dude, okay?” He finally looks up and Luke’s grinning, the dimple in his cheek clearly visible. “Why are you so fucking chipper?”

Luke shrugs a shoulder, running a hand through his wet hair as his smile gets wider. “I gave you a boner.”

Ashton groans. “Please don’t tell Michael and Calum.” 

Luke just giggles, surprising Ashton by reaching forward and wrapping his hand around the older boy’s cock. “What are you - ” 

“ - It’s my fault you’re hard, so I may as well give you a helping hand.” He shrugs a shoulder like it’s the easiest thing in the world, of course he’s gonna give his best friend a handjob, it’s what bros do when they shower together. Of course he makes a stupid fucking pun about it, too. Classic Luke Hemmings.

Ashton’s head is spinning and it doesn’t take long for him to get fully hard, the tip of his cock flushed red and leaking pre-cum. It’s obvious Luke’s done this before: he twists his wrist in exactly the right way to make Ashton’s knees go weak, his hand reaching out to brace against the wet shower wall. Ashton doesn’t know who Luke’s been jacking off, but just knowing that he’s done it makes him see red. (And maybe green, too.)

“I wanna - ” He doesn’t finish his sentence, chews on his bottom lip around his black lip ring instead.

“You wanna what?” Ashton asks, his voice dipping into a lower register, coming out gravelly and rough. 

“Kinda wanna blow you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I wanna suck your cock.” Luke looks him in the eye when he says it, surprisingly brazen. Maybe it’s because they’re best friends, already so comfortable with each other, naked in a shower with hot water getting both of them wet. Then again, maybe Luke’s just a secret sex god, surprising everyone with his smooth moves and his dirty talk.

“Do you seriously think I’m gonna say no?”

That finally brings a blush to Luke’s cheeks. He kneels without saying anything, blinks rapidly as water gets all over his face. Leaning forward, he licks at the head of Ashton’s cock, eyes squeezed shut so he doesn’t get water in them. Ashton frowns. He wants to see Luke’s eyes, wants to see the way he looks at Ashton’s dick after he tastes it, the way black has almost eclipsed blue because he’s so turned on, how they water when he takes too much of him in his mouth. That’s assuming all those things happen, but Ashton’s optimistic. “Get up,” he murmurs. Luke looks up at him and frowns, eyes wide as he stands.

“Did I do something wrong already?”

“No! No, nothing like that, just - ” He presses his hands to Luke’s waist and maneuvers them around once again, this time so his back is to the water. “There. Now you won’t get water in your eyes.”

Luke’s grin is thankful, eyes softening as the corners of his lips quirk upward. It fucks with Ashton’s head. This is a sexy encounter, Luke’s about to blow him in the shower, he’s gonna come by someone else’s hand (or mouth) for the first time in a long time, and he’s thinking about how Luke is the cutest boy he’s ever seen and he wouldn’t mind kissing him. It’s fucked.

Luke kneels again and takes Ashton into his mouth, looking up at him this time to gauge his reaction. Ashton just groans, swears under his breath, and runs a hand through Luke’s hair. He likes the way it looks like this, when it’s not all styled and full of product to keep his quiff up. Luke looks younger with his flat hair, like he’s actually an 18-year-old kid. It’s cute - Luke’s cute.

Luke presses forward, the head of Ashton’s cock bumping against the back of his throat. He gags and pulls off, eyes watering, a line of spit already connecting his lips to Ashton’s dick. “You’re bigger than anyone else I’ve ever done this with,” he notes, “so sorry if I, like, can’t take as much.” 

Ashton just shakes his head, dick-drunk and stupid after two minutes of his cock in Luke’s mouth. It’d be embarrassing if he had enough mental capacity to experience embarrassment just then. All he can think about is the fact that Luke is somehow really great with his tongue and Ashton wants to know who else he’s done this with so he can, like, punch them in the balls or something. He’s not a violent person, either, doesn’t know where the urge comes from. “You’re fine, you’re good. It’s good.” Luke nods and leans in again, licking up the underside of Ashton’s cock, maintaining eye contact. It’s pretty much the hottest thing he’s ever experienced and he’s gonna come in, like, two seconds if he doesn’t get himself under control. 

His hand finds Luke’s cheek and he presses his palm against it a little too tenderly. It’s probably inappropriate, far too sweet for a quick blowjob in the shower when Luke’s already exhausted and Ashton’s overwhelmed, but he does it anyway, tells Luke how pretty he looks with his lips wrapped around him, how good he’s doing, how fucking awesome it feels. He’s too gone to censor himself.

It’s just that Ashton’s literally had dreams about this, about Luke. He’s never acknowledged them, just woken up hot and sticky and ashamed before cleaning himself up and acting like it never happened. It is happening, though, and all those dreams come rushing back. 

None of them even come close to comparing to the real thing. 

And then he’s pressing his hips forward a couple times without thinking, only realizes what he’s doing when he hears Luke choke. “Shit, Luke.” He pulls away, lukewarm water rushing down his back as he leans down, hands pressing against Luke’s cheeks and pulling him up so he’s standing again. “I’m really sorry. It just felt so good that I stopped thinking, y’know? Are you alright?” 

Luke wipes the back of his hand against his wet mouth and nods. “I’m fine, Ash. I actually thought it was kinda hot.” His voice is a lot rougher than it normally is. He looks embarrassed that Ashton practically fucking his throat turned him on, but it only makes Ashton’s cock twitch and his breath catch in his throat.

“Jesus,” he breathes, no doubt staring at Luke with hearts in his eyes.

“Can I finish getting you off before the water gets cold?” Ashton nods and Luke starts jacking him off, fist tight and moving fast.

Ashton can’t help himself - he leans forward and presses his lips against Luke’s, crosses that line without even thinking about it. Luke freezes for a moment before kissing back and Ashton almost passes out with relief. That, combined with the near-expert handjob Luke’s giving him, has Ashton teetering over the edge, head going fuzzy and stomach in knots, practically fucking Luke’s fist.

“Luke,” he breathes. “M’gonna come.”

Luke nods and presses his lips to the soft spot between Ashton’s earlobe and his jaw, tongue darting out to taste skin. That’s all it takes. 

The first couple spurts land on Luke’s stomach, the rest dribbling down the blonde’s fist as he finishes. Ashton’s eyes flutter open - he hadn’t even realized he’d closed them - and he sees the way it looks against Luke’s pale, flat tummy. It makes his cock kick out another weak shot of come.

It takes a minute for him to come back down to reality, his head spinning. He still can’t believe that this has happened.

When he does, he reaches forward for Luke’s cock, mouth watering as he takes in the sight of it, his ego getting a little boost as he realizes that Luke’s hard. All he wants to do is taste him. But then Luke’s pushing his hand away, hips pushing back and away. Ashton frowns.

“M’too sleepy,” Luke murmurs, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Ashton’s shoulder as his arms snake around the older boy’s waist. “Just wanna wash my hair ‘n’ go to sleep.” Ashton’s a little disappointed that he doesn’t get to make Luke come, but it makes sense, they’ve had a long day. “You can get me off tomorrow morning if you want.”

Ashton smiles wide, dimples in his cheeks and crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes. The promise of a next time makes his heart stutter in his chest. “Yeah, I want.”

He washes Luke’s hair for him, the younger boy’s eyes droopy as Ashton massages at his scalp. It’s cute and Ashton can’t help but say so. The corners of Luke’s mouth quirk upward, his cheeks pink. “You think I’m c _uuuuu_ te,” he sing-songs. “You wanna k _iiiiiii_ ss me.”

“Yeah, I do.” He’s serious when he says it, no hint of teasing in his voice whatsoever.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Luke reaches around Ashton to turn off the water - it’s gone cold, anyway - and Ashton feels like he’s gonna pass out all over again. Luke grabs his hand and pulls him out of the shower, grabbing towels so they can dry off. It feels like something important is about to happen, something that could change everything. (Even more than a hurried blowjob in the shower of a hotel room can.)

Ashton slips his sweatpants on and sits on the edge of the bed, his hands on his knees as he bounces his leg up and down, nerves getting the better of him. He’s waiting for Luke to say something, but it feels like he never will.

“Ashton.”

Finally, he’s spoken up. It doesn’t make things any better. 

“Do you, like - ” He stops, acts like he’s searching for the rights word as he chews on his bottom lip, a pair of loose shorts low on his waist. “Do you like me?” It’s such an easy question, one that can be answered in a single word, but it messes with Ashton’s head. He lowers his eyes and tears at a piece of loose skin next to his thumbnail, wincing at the sting. It brings him back to reality.

“Yeah, Luke, of course I like you. You’re one of my best friends.” It’s a cop-out and they both know it.

“That’s not what I meant, Ash. C’mon.” He feels like he’s being scolded by his mum.

“Yes.” It’s a single word, but it’s all he can manage. 

There’s an awkward beat of silence and it makes him look up, eyes reluctantly finding Luke’s face. He’s surprised to find a big, dumb grin that takes up his whole face. “What?” 

Luke shrugs a shoulder like it’s no big deal. “Me too.” 

Ashton’s pretty sure he’s never heard two words as sweet. His heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest and his smile is so wide it hurts his cheeks. “C’mere.” It’s like Luke was waiting for permission because he practically runs at Ashton, tackling him onto the bed. They both giggle and it’s disgustingly sweet - Ashton loves every second of it. 

“Let’s get under the covers.” The laughter is dying down and Luke’s clearly still exhausted. Ashton obliges, lifting the comforter so Luke can climb in and get comfortable. He’s already drifting off to sleep the second his head hits the pillow. 

Ashton takes the opportunity just to look at him for a little while. He has no idea what’s gonna happen tomorrow (other than the fact that he’s gonna get Luke off, which is exciting in and of itself), but, in that moment, he can’t bring himself to care. All he can think about is the fact that Luke likes him back, that they’re sleeping in the same bed and not just as friends. He leans in and presses his lips softly to Luke’s forehead before settling down against the pillow and closing his eyes, going to sleep with a big, dumb smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> i've never written lashton before (or any fic with ashton, actually), so i struggled a bit with his voice. i hope it's believable! comments/kudos are appreciated, of course, as is constructive criticism. find me on tumblr @ subclum. :) you can reblog this on tumblr [here](http://subclum.tumblr.com/post/106072783971/i-wouldnt-know-what-to-say-if-i-had-you).


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